Fat Kids

A simple Google News search with the phrase "childhood obesity" will yield over 2,000 articles in the past month. Maybe I'm being naive (since I've never raised a child. Yet. Watch out, America), but I feel like of all our problems, this is the easiest to solve. Let's look at energy independence: we are a long ways away from that. Global warming? If we did everything right from here on out we'd still feel the effects 100 years from now. Rising social security and Medicare costs? No one really knows how to fix either. And I haven't even mentioned Iraq yet, probably the most difficult problem of all.

And yet, we're letting our kids get too fat? C'mon, America. They're just kids. We control them. Without us, they have no money, they have no food, they have nothing. It's not like they're sneaking out late at night, and hunting boar for extra meals. They're getting fat because we're giving them too much unhealthy food, and letting them sit in front of the television for too long. Somerville, Mass is trying to change that (subscription req'd), and for the life of me, I can't figure out why other communities haven't picked up the slack.

Kids are eating junk food at school. I have a solution: take the junk food out of the schools. Is that hard to do? If it's too hard, give me 20 bucks, and I'll get a couple of friends and we'll carry the damn vending machine out ourselves. Problem solved! But, Mike, you may say, what about the fast food restaurants? If we only give them healthy food options while they're in school, they'll just pig out at Mickey D's when they get home. Well, if you don't live within biking distance of a fast food restaurant, or you keep your kid poor (which I recommend), then how are they going to get there and be able to pay for food? They'll need adults. See, we hold all the cards. Why don't we treat fast food restaurants like cigarettes or alcohol or R-rated movies? No entry without an adult? Let's say you're the parent of a 12 year-old. He's a little chubby and could lose a couple of pounds, but is overall a good kid. What do you think will do more damage to him in the long run: if he acquires a taste for Whoppers with cheese, or if acquires a taste for R-rated Frat Pack comedies like the Wedding Crashers and Old School? I'd rather him laugh at an Owen Wilson joke he's not quite old enough to understand then have him get addicted to high-fat artery-killers like fast food hamburgers. And yet, he can walk into any McDonald's, or Sonic, or Burger King he wants without parental supervision and purchase anything on the menu. But he needs an adult to see The Big Lebowski? What's really causing more harm here? And unless you're the Puritan-type who calls the FCC when a boob slips out on your TV, I think you'll agree with me.