New U.S. Champion

There has been a new U.S Champion crowned, and it's a 13 year-old girl. What event could possibly lead to a 13 year old girl winning a championship? The Most Annoying Myspace Profile Championship? Longest time waiting in line for the next Harry Potter book? Or maybe for the most creative and frequent user of the word "like?" Nope, it was a text-messaging competition:

In the end, 13-year-old Morgan Pozgar faced off against Michael "Cheeser" Nguyen in the east coast final...Pozgar said she trained by sending on average 8,000 text messages a month to her friends.

First of all is anyone surprised that someone with a nickname like "Cheeser" has the time to get really good at sending text messages? Do you think the "sport" of text-messaging, in its nascent stages, is like Major League Baseball in the 1920's, where everyone has cool nicknames, like Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd and Fred "Bonehead" Merkle?

And second of all, how does one possibly have 8,000 different messages in a month for her friends? That's an average of one new message every five and a half minutes (even while she's asleep-but who knows, maybe she even texts then.) 360 each day. What exactly is the composition of those 360 daily entrants into the national discourse? Due to some pre-marital sleuthing, I've come across some of the texts that the 13 year-old sent:

To Mrs. Cunningham: whats ur opinion on the alternative minimum tax? i think its an outdated tax that puts 2 much of a burden on a burgeoning upper middleclass and does not account for the latest inflationary growth exhibited by our nation st8. imo.

To Suzie: i just renewd mi libary card. did u want me 2 get u Ulysses or Finnegans Wake? i cant rememember which joyce u wanted lmao

To Brittney: im comin over w/ the cheez pl8. u bring the pinot noir.

To Mom: hows your IRA doin? lol u should get a Roth.

To Billy: Bush should like totally fire alberto. his actions were unethical in the recent firings of 8 us attorneys. im worried hes goin 2 use a recess appointment 2 circumnavigate the senate's oversight over the executive branch assuming the upper chamber has enough senators 4 quorum and does not institute a cloture vote. btw ill see you at recess sk8er boi :)